I didn't sleep much last night by a strange dream that woke me up and I couldn't sleep afterwards. I don’t dream much, there were some times I dreamed for a couple of weeks, but since that wonderful nights I never dreamed of anything again.
Honestly, the past two weeks had been quite hard for me, not at the working section (everything runs quite smooth so far), I’ve got some things inside my heart, my head and my mind. But someone taught me how to have the ability to synchronize what I think and how I feel about things, so I’ve managed to put a side what and how I feel about some things and focusing on my priorities.
I’ve been thinking to do something, and last night, someone tapped my shoulder, and when I opened my eyes, there he was, stood right beside me, I was shocked and whispered, “Pa??” he smiled at me, and he said, “You know that I love you, right? Do as what your heart want you to do, but you can always come home.”
I woke up instantly, but he wasn’t there! I sit for a couple of minutes, then I started to cry, I got really upset, what did he mean by
“BUT YOU CAN ALWAYS COME HOME??"
Why did he say that to me at this time of my life? Where is home? And in the Lord’s name, why now? After almost 16 years! I think that it was the most torturing suggestion for me this year! In the middle of my crying session, I kept asking myself, “Where is home? You are HOME to me pa…ma…, where can I find you?”
Then I took a bath and went to work, but with a storm inside my heart, head and mind! I couldn’t help it, I sat with my best friend at work and I told her about that dream, I cried my eyes out, because I still upset by the fact that I have no idea where is this home that he was referring to! My best friend suggested me to go to Semarang and pay a respect at my dad’s and mom’s grave, but I said, “I never want to go there, I couldn’t bare the memory of burying them, even until now! AND... I’m so scared to the fact that if I go there, and I get more upset, for I still couldn’t feel at home, I miss their hugs and kisses, I miss their voices calling my name!” She accompanied me for about an hour, let me cry and after I wasted a box of tissue, I stood up, said thank you to her and I continued my day…
I went to the 2nd elementary class and taught my students, before I enter the class I bought some lollypop for them, I played a word's game with them, I had Ryo on my lap during the game, Kanaya was standing next to my desk, held my left hand a couple of time, while the other the kids had such a great time, learning, playing and of course, each of them got a lollypop. And when I went back to my room, I did some corrections and again...,I had to rush to the meeting room, but one thing for sure, I got a nice smile upon my face for the rest of the day!
Yes...,I had a hectic day today, but still, I managed to chat and made some of my Junior High students laughed and giggled by my jokes at right before they went home. Then I prepared the course’s room, hmm… I had 2 other evening extra-course classes today, one elementary and one toddler class. I finished at 5.30, packed my bag and went home… then I opened my PC, get online, open my Facebook and I open some of my friends profile and I read:
"If I hold your hand and something happens to me,chances are that I may let your hand go... But if you hold my hand, I know for sure that no matter what happens,you will never let my hand go." In any relationship, the essence of trust is not in its bind, but in its bond. So hold the hand of the person who loves you rather than expecting them to hold yours..."
I don’t know why, but I feel that I’m so lucky after I read that short note, and I love it so much when the sentence ended with:
“In any relationship, the essence of trust is not in its bind, but in its bond. So hold the hand of the person who loves you rather than expecting them to hold yours..."
I couldn’t agree more with this person's short note, “bind” is something that we do to get the connection, but “bond” is something that appeared without a warning, it connects people with a certain way, and then I thought, I can have a great life if I believe that I actually have the bond with my love ones even though I don't have anything to bind with them. And those words had given me a new hope, and yes, those words had assured me that I am home already…
I thank God for simple things, and a simple note has changed the way of my vision on what just happened to me the other night, and to you Papa and Mama... I love you, and I'm proud to say that we are bond even though nothing binds us now, no tender hugs or tender kisses, but once again we're bond for eternity...
Lisa Fransiska Sitompul
May 20th 2009
Ups, one more thing…
(I just realized, Ian Flemming is definitely a genius man, for he put Bond as James Bond’s last name, have you ever imagined? What a huge joke if Sean Connery, Roger More and Pierce Brosnan said, “Hello, I’m Bind… James Bind” instead of “Hello, I’m Bond, James Bond…” hahaha...hihihihi....