It's been a while since my last note, and amazingly, in moments of despair, kneeling before God still the best way to ease things up.
I remember one time, in a closed circle bible discussion group the priest asked us,
"What's the hardest thing in life?".
Everyone shared their thoughts; different answers came up and suddenly one participant looked at me and said, "What do you think?". I looked at him, and replied, "Well, I always think that having full control of ourselves is the most difficult thing to do." the reply caused an unbelievable reaction from other participants. They all startled and from their facial expressions, I could feel the battle in their heads.
The priest turned to me and said, "Can you please elaborate the opinion?", I replied, "I truly believe that each of us has consciousness within. When we were born, we were this pure and taintless being; but along the way, we put our consciousness to a test the moment we have choices. And most of us lost control of ourselves when the choices were related to something that we supposedly shun. And we always have the reason to do the opposite of what our conscience tells us to do. And most of the time, we priorities our sinful desires for the sake of temporary pleasures, instead of having control and say 'NO' to ourselves and do the right thing."
Nobody's perfect, but our intelligence is beyond comprehension, and somehow we all managed to cover our imperfections without realizing that the imperfection actually makes things perfect. Well, this is what I have in mind, and I had come to a point that I stand firm on principles I believe instead of following the crowd and agree on something that doesn't fit my principles and believes. I do also realize that most people require the public's recognition in order to reach personal satisfaction, some even dare to gain public recognition untruthfully. Some people want all the attention without caring how they get it, and how their effort will affect other people's lives.
- "I want to make my surrounding to be happy..."
- "I want to make people smile..."
- "I want to make people feel good about themselves..."
are amazing sentences, but remember to make sure that your good deeds aren't your own personal reasons to gain people's recognition instead of your personal satisfaction on doing something good no matter what.
In my 'not too long' course of life, I have come to the conclusion that we have this thirst for miracles and need the propaganda to convince ourselves without realizing that miracles actually happen every day, even in every second, in every breath that we take. I truly believe that there's a lesson to learn about everything that passes in our lives and having a balanced heart and mind is the best way to apprehend things without losing the logical understanding in order to move on with our lives too.
I had passed my moments of asking 'why' to God; I had come to a point that I can tell myself that I don't need to understand things, I just have to believe. I had reached the peak of my sadness of losing so I have the heart to let go. And the most blissful thing is; I had embraced forgiveness as a gift of life, as my stairs to heavenly understanding that we have no control over things in our lives, but we have the power to embark on a higher level of doing something good for our personal achievements without needing other people's recognition.
And for this, I am thankful for God sent me a group of amazing people to support me, to remind me how I am blessed, and to introduce me to different types of wisdom. I said to my pupils once, "Life is a never-ending learning process," and we all have our own obligation in our lives, God appointed each and one of us with our personal contribution to life that we need to comply. I might have started this amazing month with tears and despair, but today, I end that moment of sorrow with a heart full of joy. Putting it all behind me and once again, mastering the lesson that we have no control over certain things, and the best thing to do is to forgive, let go, and move on.
Wishing you all a great day.
Jakarta, Indonesia
3 December 2020
LFS
