Sunday, 5 June 2011

Double Miracle

I didn't sleep much, a bit hard to understand why I actually have this "Short Term Sleeping Disorder”. But since I was around 16, I couldn't sleep more than 4 hours in a day, I didn't really notice this as a problem, well, I guess, I always find something to do if I couldn't manage to make my self sleeping. But now, I'm thinking about changing this habit of mine, and start a better life, a healthier life..., "I'm not that young anymore", had become of the reason. Nevertheless, as I've gain the maturity as a person, I have to learn to love myself more and more too, I found that, it's also one of the way to show to God, how much I love Him.

I woke up quite early this morning, not as early as I use to wake up, well, it's Sunday! And I was very lucky, in this fine morning, I went to an early mass with both of my beloved aunt and my little brother.

Considered that today is the first Special Day of the year, and I'm honored to add a special detail on this lovely Sunday and call it as The Double Special Day, for it's the day of The Chinese New Year and the Valentine's Day. A New Year has always been a good start; it doesn't matter whether it's an International New Year, a Chinese New Year, or any other New Year at all. The symbol and the spirit of a new beginnings, new chances and new hopes are the real essence of the event! And those amazing things are blended in one with the sweetest event of the year, the day when every one all around the world is celebrating Love.

The singers are look so charming in their black suits with dark magenta shirt inside it; the altar was decorated in Pink and red, with some lantern and love signs all over it. I sat with my brother while my aunt sat right in front of us next to some of her friends. The mass was amazingly cheerful and full of blessings, by the smile n happy looking eyes from the people I see around me. And when the Priest started his session of sharing (I like the term he's using, "sharing"), and somehow, his voice reminds me of someone.

Life could bring us to funny places sometimes, and there I was, sitting, listening to someone talking with the same voice with a person that I care so dearly once. It is quite popular that I'm a detailed person, some people are amazed by the accuracy of my profiling on something or someone, and yes, this is the main reason why I got stunned listening to the Priest's voice. The astonishing was completed at the time when I reached my small notebook in my handbag. I opened the page randomly, and I found a note that I wrote a couple of months ago. For the second time, I was stunning, and out of the blue, a warm tear drop rolling on my cheek.

"I just want you to know that things aren't going to be the same anymore...I wrote this to let you know that my soul had experienced something that we could say as a retraining process…”accidently, I read this sentence in my notebook. This is something that I wrote when I was experiencing one of the beautiful things in life, but then I let it go at the same time without any hesitation. And suddenly, the image of the person that I care so much once is tangling in my mind that very moment. I closed my eyes for a couple of second, and whispered to God, “Oh God, please help me to let it go one more time, I’ve managed to walk away and never look back, You are the creator of my heart, and You are the owner of my life, please oh please let me let go..”

‘The free will’, this is one of the blessings that God granted to us, humans. He never actually tells us what to do, or not to do something. He has His funny way to let us experience love, pain and all kind of different things to strengthen our soul, heart and mind. I was angry once, I got so upset when this man popped up in my life after so many years and let me know that he has some difficulties to push me out of his mind. But somehow, I adored him at the end, for he has the power to control and manage this given by God blessing, he taught me that we can be what we want to be on the presence of God, and what we have towards each other became something far beyond the word ‘beautiful’ itself! Nevertheless, we all humans, and yes, I miss him, but again, thank God…, once again, I had the power to let go of the feelings that I have inside by the thought that some things are better left unrevealed n left out for the sake of everything.

Not all are understandable in life. I don’t understand things most of the times, like the other day, I could sat in front of someone, embarrassed myself for I forgot about the answer from a quiz that I made! Isn’t that crazy or what? And when I got home, I just realize that I was just being so stupid or nervous? I could stand in front of so many people and explain things like it was the most simple thing in Math or Science, but I was so dumb in front of a person, this is not usual, well, one thing for sure, this is not me, definitely not! But this is what I call as a ride in a roller coaster; I had the thrill of curiosity, the chill of feeling hopeless in front of someone. But may be we need to experience it sometime, well…to be honest, I liked the ride (smiling)! And God has His certain purpose to let us meet certain people, we’re living in an imperfect world, but as long as we fill our heart with a bucket full of good intentions, we can always hanging on our hopes and still.., we can also stay in a good condition.
So, today, a fine Sunday, February 14th, 2010, I realized that we all are blessed by God by double celebrations, double happiness, and I guess, we all deserve double miracles too…, I guess the remembrance of the person that touched my heart so deep once and still have the ability to let the feelings go at the same time, had turned out to be the blessing that given by God to me. I’m so blessed by the love in my surroundings, maybe what I think as miracles are just ordinary things to most people, but I think, the ability to see miracles in your surroundings is also one the blessings of experiencing the miracle itself.

I wish you all a very Happy Chinese New Year, may we all have the ability to see the blessings in disguise that we encounter every single day, and may the prosperity of heart and mind be a constant miracle for all of us. And may God bless each one of us with the heart to love what we have in our hands, cherish what we’ve achieved and see things with the eye of love by the remembrance of this lovely Valentine’s Day. God Bless you all.

February 14th, 2010
Lisa Fransiska Sitompul

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