Saturday, 4 June 2011

A life lived for others is the life worthwhile.

"Faith plants the seed, LOVE makes it grow. The moment we decided to have faith in someone, our love makes things grow, we built dreams and hopes together. But…have you ever imagined how ignorance can do to something that you had grown with love? We live in a funny world and sometimes, things are so difficult to be understood. We blocked our heart and mind to so many things, refused to see the beauty in simple things and started to look at the other side. But do we remember what and why we started a journey? Do we remember the un-defined reasons when we reached someone and said “I love you” for the first time to this person?

Even God has no power to block your eyes to look at the other way, He has no intention to make you mute when you want to say “I love you” to someone else. So, who are we that have the right to regret to be in love with the wrong person? Do we have the right to say, “You can’t be in love with someone else”, or, “I love you and you are mine!”, or, “I’ve given everything, I’ve done my best and the only thing that I get from you is pain and your ignorance towards my love?”. Those questions can cause suicides and desperation, looking at those words make us think, “Is there a true love? Is there a chance to be loved forever by anyone at all?”

No question, I’ve passed that phase! Many of us spent our life for nothing at all. We sacrificed our dreams to be with someone. We let things go, for we believe and we have faith in the love that we shared with someone. And suddenly, we felt so alone, we couldn’t feel the warmth, and we rejected what our heart had whispered to us earlier just because we simply love this person! When the time comes, God has His own funny ways to show us painful facts and let me ask you this, what will you do?

Loving is giving, and yes, I believe all of us will give everything to the one we love. I said to my mother once, “Ma, if an angel comes to me and ask me what I really want now, I would ask to be in your place and feel all your pain. I would bare all for you, and if I have to face death, I’ll take that chance, Atek and Daniel still needs you, I received all the best things in life simply just because I was born as your daughter!”. It’s a normal thing if we do something like that to our father, mother, sister or brother. But is it normal and reasonable to do such things to a stranger? Yes, your wife, your husband, or your lover was a stranger once! And after you experienced so many beautiful moments sacrificing and giving your best, this stranger that had become a part of your life started to look at the other way and left you.

At this point, we started to think,
“How could you?”
“Are there any reasons to see my mistakes and my negative qualities as excuses to do what you did?”
“I gave my world, I never see things as mine but ours, I love you with all my heart, and you have the heart to give me this?”
“I touched your face when you were sleeping, felt all your pain and said my prayers to the angels to ease your burdens, but you do this?”
I can write hundreds of questions to describe the feelings, but do we really have to ask those questions?

Can we learn to just let go? And put aside our ego and the feelings of being used and hurt and say to ourselves,
“I’ve given my best, I’ve done what I should have done and I’m proud of it.”
It’s not about how long love lasts, is about how you love, and I believe that only a life lived for others is the life worthwhile.

But we all humans, it’s normal to feel hurt and left out, but start to think that one day in your life, you’ll realize that you had become a winner. You are not a looser as people thought you were. You have the dignity let go things even though you had done things as the best as you can! And you are BEAUTIFUL by doing those amazing things, you are something, you are strong, and one day, you can say to yourself,
“I don’t have to stand somewhere and think of the hurting things that I’ve done to the one that I love!”
“I had the courage to give my best, things are not always goes according to what I expected, but having the experience of loving and giving is more than I ever expected!”
“I was someone to somebody, that’s all that matters, and I thank God for He released me from the agony of letting go!”

I miss both my papa and mama, about two months ago I felt so lonely and dreamed papa came to me, he woke me up one night and asked,
“You do know that I love you so much, right?”
I nodded, then he said again, “
”You can always come home, dear….”
That “home” word made me cry that night, how could he said that after all these years, where’s home? The only way I can meet him and be at “home” with him is to leave this world!

A dear friend gave me a possibility about this “home” thing in my dream, but he was wrong, the “home” that he was talking about turned out to be something that I have to let go! And Yes, I cried my eyes out, I felt that my world had turned up side down, and I started to think that life has been so unfair to me. But at that time, there was nothing I can do about it, no one to turn to, and I had to put aside all my pride and hide every trace of my sadness, do my best and at the end, I have the heart to let go.

From that experience, I found out that this “home” that papa said was my heart and mind, I’m blessed by the values that both my parents had taught me. And life has become worth while, after I believe that I had done my best and tried to smile through my sadness and sorrow. And suddenly, I remembered, papa used to play a song by Nat King Cole, Smile. And when I found that song, listened to it, I felt so happy for I’m not just free from my agony, but I also have to honor to see both of my papa and mama’s image, smiling at me in my heart’s vision, and it has become another blessing to me, another joy beyond compare, for I know, I am loved and I will keep on loving my life and giving my best.

(Smiling mode:ON) ;)

Love to you all
Lisa Fransiska Sitompul
July 8th 2009

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