Tuesday, 22 May 2012

It may sounds so sad ,but then again... Maybe it's good to embrace the pain..

Something that I wrote yesterday morning,

A Genuine forgiveness is when 
* we don't deny our anger,
* deal with the facts caused by pain and hurt occurred,
* feel the sorrow over the circumstances,
* cry your heart out when you can't get the answers to this n that,

but then..wipe up your tears and believe to the great virtue of the brave,given by God. 
It's the best way to embrace your strength and freedom to simply carry on your life with a great tender love within.. 


Somehow, I kind of feeling that I do aware that our last kiss didn't feel right,
and deep inside, I kind of realising that I will never win this fight.

But then again, this is not a fight at all, this simply something that I can compromise.
While you said, "There's no such happiness without certain struggles and tears of cries".

Someone told me once to be good to myself and be kind to my life, cause this life is the only thing that I have to call as my own.
And this early morning, I found out that I have no one to turn to, I have no one to come and I am totally alone.

Now you tell me, my love....Where can I go from this point of agony?
Who can I call to ease this pain within that kills me so softly?
I woke up after not more than four hours of sleeping, sitting alone and think, "Where am I going from this point of nowhere in this wilderness?"
Then another question popped out, "Why can I be such a bad person and did so many cruelness?"

I never asked God to actually give me what I want.
Cause I know that I have nothing to ask, I just have so many things to vaunt.
Deep inside, I said to Him, "Will you keep him stay just a little longer around me, oh dear Lord?"
But then each time you walked away, I was the one who sat and left behind to realise that your love is something that I won't be able to afford.

This would sound so pathetic, and this is not me at all, or perhaps, the little Lisa who got lost somewhere in the middle of her own heart?
Or, on contrary... This is the point that I have to stand strong and keep on moving forward, leave all behind, simply take a depart?
I never thought of thinking that you're too selfish to acknowledge that what left for me is nothing but pain.
But then again... I sat in silence in this middle of dying inside session and begged for a little strength from God to regain.

Once again I ask you my love...
Why am I here? How can I carry on with this thought  of emptiness within me?
What can I do ? Who would care that I also need a little light to help me to see?
And What if....
What if I just walk away?
Perhaps God would be kind enough to give me a little love within me to carry on...
Maybe He would be generous enough to let me walk in this endless search of something that actually foregone.

And I foreseen that you may not be able to come up with the answers to those questions of mine...
But that's alright, I can understand it perfectly that there are so many things in this life that we can't define.
If God requires me to be a lighthouse, then... THE LIGHTHOUSE shall I be...
And I have decided to stand in this point of stillness, and be grateful to enjoy the sky that paint your image as the only thing that I will see...

Written somewhere in Jakarta,
by Lisa Fransiska Sitompul
May 22nd, 2012

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