It’s quite difficult to understand things in life. Fair? Nothing really represents what’s fair if we connect things in our lives to what actually occurred.
And a dear friend just reminded me that I answered too many “I don’t know” to her questions upon things that happened to our other friends.
I simply replied her,
“It’s not that I don’t care, I don’t see people the way people use to look to each other, I never consider any bad things or despair as something bad. And when they don’t talk to me about anything, I guess, I have no concern to ask or to bother them with stupid questions that might put a new burden or perhaps new hard things to think about. If they willing to stay in silence and have their problems as their own possession, so be it… Being good to ourselves is very important, and it’s not selfish at all, babe… Take me or leave me, accept me for who I am or walk away, nothing will make me feel like I’m less of a person just because I don’t do things like people used to do. None of us have an obligation to fit anyone’s idea and change to fit anyone’s mold too. Change is not something that we ought to do cause anyone asked us to do, change is something that totally ours to decide to apply into our lives. ”
Suddenly she looked deep into my eyes and said,
“No wonder you have such an enjoyable life, it’s not that you don’t care, you’re one of the most caring people that I’ve ever known, but you really know when to stay away too,”
We had a moment of looking at each other, and then I said,
“But you can always come to me, darling… I have no fear in giving my best to assure the happiness that you deserve to possess. But still, I may hurt you when you do something stupid and put your soul conscious and happiness at stake. One day you’ll thank me for that,”
We both smiled and I guess she understood that what I’ve said may sound so cold and bitter, but I guess she realize perfectly that I have the ability to trade my life with the best thing that I possibly provide to those that I care so much.
We can shed tears when we lost those who we love, but we can smile for they have lived, and we actually had the opportunity upon the acquaintance. We were blessed by the encounter of a personality that might teach us many things to face this life a little bit better.
We can always close our eyes and pray for those who we miss so much to come back, but we can also close our eyes and see all the things that they have left for us to cherish. Feel the blissful feeling upon the ability to be grateful to hold the unseen and embrace it as courage for us to carry on.
And when someone actually came into our live, stay for awhile, but then left us behind with no particular explanation for our mind to comprehend, remember that this might be a blessing in disguise for us, for they have left footprints in our hearts, and we are never be the same person anymore, just make sure that we are a better person by this.
~ that when you remember me, you have carried something of which I am when I was with you…
~ if I have left some mark on whom I am on whom you are, it means that you can summon me back to your mind even though countless years and miles may stand between us…
~ as long as you remember me, I will never entirely lost, for your kindness in remembering me will remind me to actually exist in giving my best by this wonderful feeling within that I meant something to someone once.
~What we actually left behind is not what engraved in stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others. And this also applied to the memories of those who have left me behind, each one of you have carved something beyond words can express.
And after all are said and done, the word “CHERISH” has become the best word to remember that my life is full of excitements and joyful experiences. And losing those who I cherish so much has giving me the reminiscence that I can get through another 24 hours with a new hope with new beginnings attach to each seconds of my life, with or without those who I need or I love so much.
In the remembrance of:
Pangeran Adil Sitompul (25 March 1947 – 20 Oct 1994)
Igor Stravinsky M Nainggolan (29 January 1966 – 26 March 2011)
God knows how I miss both of you, papa… mas Igor…
It never was and never will be easy for me to let both of you go…
I can remember every touch, every embrace, every soft, short kisses, and every single great wisdom said by both of you.
And to you Mas Igor, thank you for holding me so tight when no one actually had the heart to look at me, and I will cherish each of your embrace as the strength for me to keep on believing that God created me to give the example to my surroundings to laugh often, respect those who in despair and give as much as affection that I possibly provide to my surroundings.
Thank you for calling me every night when no one actually aware that I’m still around…
Thank you for telling me that I’m so precious and how much papa loved me when I have doubts…
Thank you for asking me to keep on smiling and stay pretty…
Thank you for hugging me so tight each time I dropped by, you had managed to make it as my best reason to come back to you over and over again…
And to those who’s suffering from the pain of losing their loved ones…
Be happy for the ability to feel, smile and believe that if we have the opportunity to meet them again, they will recognize us. And even though we have separated by death, believe that we can still see their faces, hear their voices and speak to them with the words spoken in our hearts.
Have a pleasant Sunday to all.
God be with each one of us.
Lisa Fransiska Sitompul
March 25th 2012